Science has found that flies spreads germs,
Keep yours zipped up.



May you live as long as you want to,
And want to as long as you live.



A hypocrite is someone,
Who writes a book on atheism,
Then prays it sells.



Travel may broaden the mind,
But it narrows the bank balance.



A teenager is a minor,
Who is sometimes a major problem.



If you itch for success,
Keep on scratching.



The Lord helps those who help themselves,
But the Lord help those who I catch helping themselves.



Dear people be wary of Cupid,
And heed the lines of this verse,
To let a fool kiss you is stupid,
To let a kiss fool you is worse.



Everyone wants it done,
Yesterday.



Don't stand around,
And make a sitting duck of yourself.



God put me on this Earth,
To achieve a certain number of things,
Right now I'm that far behind,
I will never die.



I'm going to live forever,
Or die in the attempt.



I'm a mother,
Not a walking purse.



I used to live in a real world,
Then I got evicted.



I have been happily married for seven years,
Hell, seven out of twenty isn't bad.



Plan to be spontaneous,
Tomorrow.



Nothing is foolproof,
To a sufficiently talented fool.



We are happily married,
I'm married, and she's happy.



Everybody repeat after me,
"We are all individuals"



Eat, drink and be merry,
For tomorrow we diet.



Where there's a will,
I want to be in it.



I'm objective,
I object to everything.



Computers will never replace,
Human stupidity.



One of the hardest decisions in life,
Is when to start middle age.



Misers aren't much fun to live with,
But they make great ancestors.



When arguing with a fool,
Make sure he isn't doing the same thing.



I always wanted to be a comedian,
But I was scared people would laugh at me.



There is no place like home,
Which is why I go out every night.



Everyone wants to go to Heaven,
But no one wants to die.



Don't vote,
It only encourages politicians.



My mother-in-law converted me to religion,
I never believed in hell until I met her.



Say no,
Then negotiate.



A good marriage lasts forever,
A bad one just seems to.



Do unto others,
Before they do it unto you.



I will never forget my wedding day,
God knows I've tried.



One good turn,
Gets most of the blankets.



Teenagers complain there is nothing to do,
Then stay out all night doing it.



Why be difficult,
With a little more effort,
You can be impossible.



According to my best recollection,
I don't remember.



Atheism,
Is a non-prophet organisation.



I intend to live forever,
So far, so good.



The more people I meet,
The more I like my dog.



Out of my mind,
Back in five minutes.



We are born naked, wet and hungry,
Then things get worse.



I can handle the pain,
Until it hurts.



To be a leader you just need a lot of people,
Dumb enough to follow you.



I just let my mind wander,

And it didn't come back.



Ever stop to think,
And forget to start again.



Few women admit their age,
Few men act it.



With my luck,
When my ship comes in,
I'll be at the airport.







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