I have visited a large number of sites where people have written their personal testimonies to their beliefs and I thought I would attempt to do the same, although I would add a little of myself to it as well.  However I must say that just because a person does not have a page on their site stating their own thoughts and beliefs, it makes them any less of a believer.  So the choice to make your own personal thoughts and beliefs public is purely a personal one.  However I feel compelled to tell my story in a hope that someone who reads it may also find that there is a way forward, and that all you need do is look and ask.  As our Lord Himself said, "Ask and ye shall receive".

Those of you who have read the pages I called "About Me" will have read the comment that states, "I go to church most of the time, but I am a Christian all the time."  At first reading that might seem to be a hypocritical statement, but I do honestly believe that I do not have to sit in a building worth an untold amount of money, which is on real estate worth even more money, to show my faith in God.  I do not believe that God measures us in any way in respect of the buildings we might erect or how much we might have.  The church is the people, not the building they use.  I can show my faith just as adequately in any place at any time and I know that my God will listen to me.  Some of my most fulfilling moments have been when I have attended a service in an open field, with no building at all.  In fact I find those who attend church for one hour every Sunday, in some belief they have fulfilled their commitment to God by doing so, and then spend the other 167 hours of the week being anything but Christian in their attitude to be more hypocritical.  They seem to consider that one hour per week is all that is needed and they will be forgiven because they attended church on Sundays.

What I believe is very simple to answer because it really is a very simple question.

I believe in God the Father.  I believe in His Son Jesus Christ.  I believe in the Holy Spirit and together that trinity forms one God.  I believe that God the Father sent His Son to Earth to walk amongst men and to lead man back to the path of righteousness.  I believe that Jesus died for us all on the cross and conquered death so that we could see that if we believed, we too could be forgiven and conquer death, when the time came, and be led to everlasting life.

John 3 : 16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life." 

Every individual has a freedom of choice throughout their lifetime, and it is for each one to choose what they wish to believe.  Those of us who do have faith can only pray that God will use His Spirit to somehow reach those without faith.  Faith is a difficult word to explain, as it is an intangible thing.  You cannot see it, but you can feel it within yourself, and once you choose to accept Christ, you begin to truly understand the meaning of faith.  You cannot believe in God if you do not have faith.

Why I made the choice to believe and accept is probably much more difficult to answer.

Back when I was about 19 years of age, I knew nothing about faith at all.  I had led a fairly tough life, and my mind was simply filled with anger.  I was angry about almost everything including a God I knew nothing about.  The only way I could vent that anger was through violence, that was the way of life I knew and understood.  If something upset me, then I simply reacted.  I used to spend most of my time (and money) in hotels, and had very little that was positive in my life.

One day I met another person who was the same age as me and we talked.  He never mentioned faith or God, we just engaged in idle chatter, but instead of going to a hotel, we went to a coffee shop and were soon joined by a number of his friends.  Following that first meeting, I met with them many times, although I still carried a lot of anger within me, I never had any reason to lose control when I was with them.  I began to notice things, like they would tell me they wouldn't be able to see me until a certain time because they had other things to do.  I saw a lot of differences between myself and them, as they seemed to have a sense of peace and serenity, I had this inner turmoil.  It wasn't long before I became aware that they were practising Christians, but they never once pressured me to join them.  They basically led me by examples they set, and I also had the good fortune to meet the parents of many of them.  Once again I was to see and feel a sense of peace, love and serenity which I had never known.  God does work in mysterious ways.

So I began to ask myself questions.

I wanted to know so many things, and some of the questions, I still do not know the answer to.  I wondered if I became a Christian, would it release me from some of my own inner pain.  I wondered why, if there is only one God, why are there so many different denominations that call themselves Christian.  Who was right and who was wrong?  Did that really matter anyway, as long as we had faith in God.

I spent a long time reading about all these things, and was able to come up with some answers, but others still escape me to this day over thirty five years later.  I now accept that God will let me know in His own time.

It became apparent to me that in some cases Christianity and probably religion in all forms were being used purely as a means of increasing wealth for one party or another.  A number of others really did not seem to be Christian churches in my mind and could be more properly labelled as sects.  I quickly ruled them out as ones to study further, as I did with those that had formed very recently, either in the 19th or 20th century.  I simply could not believe that God would have mankind wait nearly 2000 years, after sending His Son to Earth, before allowing His church to exist.  So I continued to read and research various things, especially where there were differences in the respective theology of the denomination. I admit much was beyond my comprehension, but I still read and studied what I could find, as well as reading the Bible for the first time in my life.

Eventually I made a decision, which may prove to be right or wrong, to follow one particular denomination.  I approached them, and asked for guidance in learning where I was meant to go.  That does not mean that I in any way believe that one denomination is the only one that is correct, but more so that all Christians follow the one God, in different ways, for different personal reasons.  I do not think that God has chosen any one particular denomination as the correct one that one must follow.  The key issue is that you have faith and believe what that faith teaches you.  Even the most learned of Biblical scholars will have a difference of opinion on what may be the teachings of God according to the Bible.  The key point in my mind was that I firstly had to accept that I was always a sinner, and that I could have those sins fogiven by the acceptance of Jesus Christ and that He died for me.  That was the first step in my journey.

It was to be some time before I was ready to accept what was there (and had been there all along) for me, if only I had asked.  I think that was the time I began to learn the meaning of the word "faith".  I moved onwards and became a practising Christian, and got more and more involved at times, with various church activities, which continued to strengthen my faith.

That faith was to later lead me to meet my wife, and we have had a long marriage and been blessed with four daughters.  My God had begun to repay me almost immediately for having put my trust in Him.

Sometimes, like all of us, I have strayed and been guilty of forgetting what I am meant to do.  But I do know that I can ask for forgiveness and I will receive it.  That forgiveness has been assured for me by the crucifixion of Christ and my acceptance that He died for me.

Nearly thirty years later I suddenly found myself doing things I have never done before.  I seem to write things that I do not know are even within my mind.  I am sure that God has chosen me for this task so that those words might reach out and touch others.  I find myself writing about so many things, but they all come back to what God wants us to do.

Love the Trinity of God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

Love one another as He does love us.

Love this Earth, and everything within it, that He has given us.

Love ourselves, but never let it become arrogance.

Remember all, that I knew before was hatred and violence, now I was showing love.

I cannot explain these things, but consider for a moment that I wrote my first poem in 1999 and called it "Life and Roses".  In it I have tried to tell people that you can be beautiful like a rose, or as dangerous as the thorn.  Please make the right choice.  Then one of my poems in 2005 I called "A White Rose", in which I try to portray Mary the Mother of our Lord as perfect white rose.  That was written on December 7th 2005.

On December 31st 2005, I was reading some articles and found the following statements, that really made me think.  It is said that in the Garden of Eden, the Rose was the most beautiful of flowers and that it did not have any thorns until after the falling from grace of Adam and Eve.  I further read that Mary has often been called a beautiful rose without any thorns.  I knew nothing of either of those two things at the time I wrote those respective poems.  I am sure that I am guided to write whatever flows from the pencil.  The pencil and paper are mine, but the words that are written are inspired.

I know that from the first time I accepted the presence of my God and the ensuing learning of His Son Jesus Christ, my life has changed.  I sometimes still have the old anger return, and that is something I truly regret because it hurts those I love dearly, but I have also learnt how to forgive, in the way I have been forgiven for so many things in my own life.

I have found the meaning of the word "faith".  I have faith and I have accepted the Lord into my heart and life.  I put my trust in God and my life and future are in His hands.

May God smile on you as you read this page.